TRUST

For the past couple of weeks, I had this theme in my yoga classes, this theme of trust. Originally, this theme came up in the first yoga class I taught in "my" new space at Loft&Earth. I had been teaching in a couple of studios previously and I was really happy about that. However, when I first walked into this wonderful space in Bondi Junction, I felt something totally different. Immediately, I had this sense of belonging, of positive energy- a feeling of ONENESS. This was something I hadn't felt before in any of the other studios I had taught in. At Loft&Earth, natural therapists share a space to guide people on their own journey. And this really resonated with me as I believe that we all need to work together in order to give our clients the best possible and most suitable tools to empower them. So once I had decided that I would like to share my passion for yoga in this space, I was full of excitement bouncing up and down around the apartment. I was truly and honestly happy. But the next day I woke up with these thoughts of doubt and I felt a heavy, stone-like sensation just behind my heart. What if...? For the next couple of days I lived a balancing act, caught up in two extreme emotions at once. Until I decided to meditate on these emotions. Trying to cultivate trust but also paying attention to this lingering feeling of doubt. So, every day, each morning, I would sit on my yoga mat after my asana practice to meditate. Oh dear- it was incredibly challenging for me to give space to both feelings and to explore them. And as I watched them, every morning, this emotion of doubt got stronger and stronger, or maybe it took up more and more space. And while I had the urge to suppress this unwelcome feeling, I taught myself to sit with it. The following weeks got harder and harder as suddenly doubt seemed to be present in so many other aspects of my life. That was the time when this doubt was also obvious in my body as I got very unmotivated, tired and sick. Doubt had been present for many, many years in my life and while I thought that I would really need to go back to the roots of this feeling, searching for the time and place this seed of doubt was planted inside of me, I realized that I am the one planting it. Yes, there have been moments in my life where external factors might have triggered this emotion. But more often than not, I am the gardener. A gardener with a choice. And while everything co-exists and has its own right to be, there needs to be balance. Therefore, one morning, about four weeks ago, I got out of bed with this deep intention to cultivate more trust in my life. To trust myself, to trust in the present moment and to trust that life will take me where I need to be. And from one moment to the other , I felt this warmth and light surrender my heart. Energy returned and my body felt strong and healthy,

It's all connected, it's all one, it's all oneness.

There will always be cracks but the cracks exist to let the light in...